The many letters I wrote to you

Month: December, 2013

Day 11

My Dearest Xxxxxxxx,

Just fifteen minutes before we enter the New Year and I feel alone without you. I have missed you more and more each day. They say walking away is easy, it is anything but that.

This year you taught me what love really was. I spent my days trying to think back at all the times I felt the same way, but the truth is I never have. The truth is, I fell in love with you and it was the first time in my life I ever have.

I have no regrets. I would have given you my world, all you had to do was ask. I would have loved you like no one in the world had ever. Your words would never have fallen on deaf ears, nor your tears, the ground. They are precious to me.

I can say but words and make promises, but the truth is you’ll never really know. I can say I love you a million times till the worlds end, but it would not fathom how I truly feel for you.

With that, I go into the new year. I wish you all the happiness in the world. The truth is I can not wish for anything better. I know you will light up someone’s life. I know you will excel in everything that you do. I know because I love you. And I always will.

Yours Always,


Day 10

My Dearest Xxxxxxxx,

You remembered and that’s all that mattered to me today. I told myself you wouldn’t, but you did.

I woke up feeling like my world was at an end. My heart was weak and my body weary.

Then it came like the trumpets of heaven were blown and the skies turned from grey to blue. The sun rose and the wind in your words, blew across my weathered face.

I do miss you, more than I can bear to say.

Today, my heart did not ache. Today, it was at peace.

Yours Always,


Day 9

My Dearest Xxxxxxxx,

My heart trembles again, for in mere hours, I age another year. I have not an idea of what is in store for me. I fear that you are not with me any longer, I fear to move on.

I have loved you more than life itself and I can not bear to think of life without you. But I have realised my greatest fear. It is the fear of losing.

I fear not the ignorance of man or the sting of their words. I fear only You. The truth is, I can’t go a day without thinking about you. And as I approach the 25th year of my life, I am left but with one realisation.

It’s lethal blow,
Has no match.
I fear not life, nor death itself.

It is kind, but merciless,
Frail, but unfair.
I fear not life, nor death itself.

Bones get heavy,
Grief overwhelms.
I fear not life, nor death itself.

My thoughts betray me,
Heart is heavy.
I fear not life, nor death itself.

Your lips still haunt me,
My tears still fall,
I fear not life, nor death itself.

I was brave,
Now I’m small.
I fear but Love, my conquest.

Yours Always,


Day 8

My Dearest Xxxxxxxx,

I remember everything now.

I remember how your hair fell across your face. I remember how it got between you and that smile. I remember every word I said to you. I remember how your cheeks turned red when I said them.

I remember how your forehead crinkled as I kissed you goodnight. I remember every embrace, every moment.

I remember the pain when you walked away, there was no match. I could barely stand, I find it hard still. I remember waking up next to you, knowing I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else.

With every tear that still drops from my eyes, I remember.


Yours Always,


Day 7

My Dearest Xxxxxxxx,

I fought a battle for you, for that, I am left but with a scar.
Still fresh my wounds, the dizzying blow,
The salt of your lips, burning my heart.
But yet, am I still.

I wish not to wake up. I wish not to sleep.
I wish not to think of you, as I accept defeat.
You have won, I am defeated,
You have triumphed, I am but depleted.

Cast me away, you shall not,
For with my pain, I have my pride.
Still I’ve loved you once, always will,
I wish you well, but no, I will not ask.
For I wish not to look, not at my past.

Yours Always,


Day 6

My Dearest Xxxxxxxx,

My heart aches more than it has in weeks. I do not understand why I feel this way. Your absence is eating me slowly. I can but open my eyes in the dawn and shut them at dusk. You were my strength, your words uplifted my spirit.

Without you, the sun does not shine bright, the moon has lost it’s magic. My skies, they have no stars, my heart does not beat.

Winter never felt more miserable without your warmth.

I am still in love with you and I miss you dearly.

Yours Always,


Day 5

My Dearest Xxxxxxxx,

Christmas was amazing. I wish with all my heart that you could have been there.

I made new friends and reconnected with some old ones. But the truth is, it just wasn’t complete without you.

I missed our chats and I missed your embrace. I miss how I slapped you on the wrist every time you scratched your arms, just because you scar easily. I miss not being able to kiss you on the forehead before I see you off.

I just missed you. More than I imagined, more than I can bear to say.

Christmas was just another day without You. And I don’t know if I can do without.

Yours always,


Day 4

My Dearest Xxxxxxxx,

10 minutes to go before our favourite holiday of the year. Its 10 minutes to Christmas.

Every step I took today, I thought of you. I wondered how you were doing, I wondered if you thought of me.

It’s funny how many Christmases I had without you and now, the one year I had you in my life, it feels not the same. I wished of a fireplace with us both, a warm embrace, a kiss by the tree.

I wished of us laughing together and playing in the snow. You would have been exactly what I’ve always wanted for Christmas. But its the one gift I’ve been denied once again.

My heart is truly broken, but I yearn for you still.

5 mins left, not much time.

Merry Christmas Princess.

Yours Always,


Day 3

My Dearest Xxxxxxxx,

Today, I had but a moment of distraction. Christmas was its name. But like I said, it was but a moment. Every carol sung had no joy for me, neither have I felt the spirit of Christmas. My arms, they crave for your touch, my heart searches for your gaze, but like a cold, stormy, winters night, I see nothing but white.

I am not myself when I’m not with you. My joy turned to grief, my smiles to frowns, my song to mere words. It is true what they say about Christmas, being with the ones you truly love. For me, I have all but one. You.

Today I missed you just a little less, but I know surely within my heart that tomorrow will be another task. 

I still love you, with all my heart. 


Yours Always,



Day 2

Dear Xxxxxxxx,

Today, for the first time in 4 weeks, we talked. I was lost for words. There were so many things I wanted to say to you, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it.

With you, I am weak. With you, I am powerless. Your laughs and your smiles resonate in my heart constantly. I yearn for every consonant, every vowel, every pause.

I cannot sleep, I cannot eat. I fear to close my eyes because it is in my dreams, that you are with me. It is in my dreams, you stay. I am still in love with you, my heart says this is true.

I have missed you dearly.

Yours Always,


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