My Dearest Xxxxxxxx,
I am once again at the mercy of my own desires. I am sat here in the airport, awaiting the quick passage over to you. At this point, my heart is not racing. I am calm.
Things are different this time, but I seem to have a habit of saying that. Maybe, the four weeks of silence between us, has made me stronger. Maybe it is because I have nothing to fight for but myself. It is not that I have given up on you. It is that I choose not to fight any longer.
If this would be the last time my eyes gaze upon your face, so be it. I will forever live with the consequences of my actions. If they would cause me pain, I will bear it. If it would bring me peace, I will embrace it.
The sun rises over the horizon and I feel the heat of the sun upon my face. It relaxes me. I am almost in a state of trance, the roar of the engines, the screeching tires keep me in check. Growing up, this was my place of joy. My escape. But you would know that, you’ve lived a life of such.
We have been afraid of commitment as far back as we remember. There was no point when we knew distance would eventually pull the ones we loved from our hands, as we desperately tried to cling on. I fear that very fate. It probably explains why I tried so hard to hold on to you. Fear.
I am eight hundred miles from you. My heart, never closer.