Day 107

by markvnathan

My Dearest Xxxxxxxx,

I have almost hit rock bottom once more. I do not wish to take this direction but I cannot pull myself away. I lack the will. I lack the very strength to do this one simple task.

I am sat here on this bench and in the solitude of this church, I fall to my knees and I pray. The eyes of god give me relief, they do not judge me. Here, I am at peace. For months I have not felt this comfort, this escape. I find it hard to stand. It is difficult to walk out and face the world once more.

This pain that I endure, unfathomable.  Tie me up and beat me endlessly, I beg of you. Rub salt in my open wounds and I will tell the world of your mercy. Just don’t murder me with your silence, it is the worst way to die. I hear every sound but yours and I can’t listen any longer.

This silence is a blunt knife, but it cuts so deep. These wounds, they will not close, they are kept open with hope. Why does Love come with such a price? Why is it not forgiving? I pray for but one day, just one. Release me this once and I will be grateful. Release me this once and I will not ask another time.

I am begging now. Please spare me from this torture. Please spare me from this pain.