Day 80

by markvnathan

My Dearest Xxxxxxxx,

This is heart wrenching. As I sit here in the airport waiting, I am once again holding back every tear, every emotion. It almost feels like the first time, all over again. The pain is beyond excruciating. I seem to have developed a god like threshold to pain these days, but it only means I cannot falter, I still hurt.

I can hardly feel a pulse, I can barely hear my heart beating as I try not to crumble. I distract myself with memories of the ones I love. It doesn’t really help when those thoughts linger back on you.

I stare at the gate hoping for the flight to be canceled, hoping for a reason to run back to you once again. But I know I cannot hope for that, not this time.

I looked into your eyes with every word that I had said to you and finally I see. Your heart always belonged to someone else. I don’t know how I missed it, I can’t believe I was so stupid. It was the look in your eyes, the same look I have on my face when I look myself in the mirror.

My ears were open, but I never listened. My heart was fixed on you, but not for a moment did I look at yours.

I never stood a chance. You can’t ever love me if your heart was never mine to win and I can’t bear to fall for you if your heart belongs to someone. It will be the death of me.

A tear has fallen. I pray it is the last because I am truly afraid now. I just need to get as far away as I can from you.