Day 76

by markvnathan

My Dearest Xxxxxxxx,

Finally hearing from you has put my heart at ease once again. We started the day as strangers and were closer than ever by night fall. It has always been the beauty of our relationship, it has always been the wonder that keeps us talking.

I’m playing a dangerous game with you, with myself. I have put all my cards in one play, all my eggs in one basket, and I’ve gone all in. The odds have always been against me, but that never mattered. It is not that I lack confidence, but I am ruled by fear. It is not that I am not sure about you, it is that I lack the ability to understand you.

I lack the bravery to hold you, the way I need to. To say the words I want to say, not the words you want to hear. It is my fear of losing you, that rules my every word, my very actions. Every thought is contemplated, every word is thought over.

But when I’m with you, my heart races, the rules are a blur. It is then, I cannot resist the urge to hold you. It is then I lose control. There is no one I’d rather be with, when I’m with you. I forget the world and all my worries.

I forget me.

I wish I was stronger for the both of us. I wish I was stronger for me.

 

Yours Always,

Mark

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