Day 62

by markvnathan

My Dearest Xxxxxxxx,

Three days sober, not a single drop, not a single thought about you. Then, I slipped. I would have beat myself up about it on any other day. But not today. It’s the beauty of what I’ve become.

I’m taking it a day at a time. Little by little, I come off you.

Hearing from you today was a stir of emotions. First, a love song on repeat. Minutes later, a pinch of anger, a sprinkle of confusion. When my heart had stopped racing, my stutter gone, I questioned my feelings for you.

For the first time in what felt like a lifetime, I asked myself. What was I doing? What is it that I truly wanted to hear from you?

Was I angry at you for what you had done? Maybe. Was I not ready to see you for who you really were? Possibly.  But I know that I loved you, regardless. I know I still do. I would be a complete and utter fool to lie to you, to lie about this.

I take two steps forward, one back, but I am still moving forward. I will see you again, sooner than I had expected. When we do meet, I won’t be the same. I’m not the same man that loved you. Maybe by then, I would not love you at all.

Until then.


Yours Always,