My Dearest Xxxxxxxx,
It has become unbearable tonight. Sitting here, pen in hand, my tears blotting my words as they form. With each new page, a smudge, a blot of blue ink. I can’t see, I can hardly make the end of each sentence.
My heart races, it beats faster and faster. My blood rushes. My head is in a spin. I knock over my whiskey glass, another mess, another page. My hands are shaking. My every thought right now, just on you.
That photo of you. I hadn’t seen you in months. You are beautiful as the day I laid eyes on you. Your hair, longer now. Your smile, unforgiving. Your eyes, enslaving. I’m in a slurry of emotion, overcome, I can’t comprehend this moment.
It feels like something inside my chest is clawing, my stomach cramping. Words cannot describe this feeling right now. A feeling I have never experienced. A feeling I would not wish on my worst enemy.
I wipe my eyes again. I try to stand, but my feet, they do not feel the ground beneath me. I’m afraid, i’m confused, i’m weak. I ignore your every attempt to contact me. I can’t say a word, I am so afraid, so afraid.
I love you, but I’m broken. I miss you, but I’m petrified. I need you, but I can’t look you in the eyes. I’m on my knees again, I beg you, show mercy.
And then, I pick up the phone, you said “Hello”