Day 36

by markvnathan

My Dearest Xxxxxxxx,

I got news there was a package from you. I could barely stand, my feet, unable to bear the weight. Breathing became a challenge, like the air had been sucked out of the room. My fingers, ice cold, frozen in fear of the unknown. I knew this day would come. I prepared, I did everything to brace myself.

Like when we first met, you hit me once more. Off my feet and unto the cold floor, unable to find my bearings, I made it back to your package on my table. I sat down, my hands trembling, I could barely open it.

You wrote me a letter, I never saw it coming, but you did.

And with each word, I shed a tear. I could barely read the first line as I crumbled. I remembered the first time we met, what you wore, your smile, your laugh, your touch.  Everything came back like it was just yesterday. Every moment spent trying to forget you, gone in an instant.

Line after line, emotions I have never experienced. The strings of my heart tugged beyond any human tolerance. Pain, beyond anything I have experienced. And as I reached the end, I read it once more.

I never thought it was humanly possible to love someone as much as I’ve loved you. I never thought I could experience a pain, with no compare. Every single moment with you, held so closely, every word, a memory in my relentless mind.

Every word, took my breath away. It seemed like you had replaced the alphabets with magic of sorts. With every sentence, I imagined you smiling, every pause, a wink. The contents of the letter had no time to be understood.

In the midst of struggling to keep myself together. I placed it, once more, on the table, in the dark of the night, a candle for light. As the silence fell, I read. Word after word, after word.

And as I got down to the very last of it, a searing twinge. Beyond measure, sure of a direction. It made it’s way up, from the lowest parts of my stomach, into my heart. It sits there still. With every word written, it pierces deep. With every breath left in me now, with every bit of strength, I will finish this letter.

I still love you with every inch of my body and you have absolutely no clue. Not the slightest. It’s true, I can’t live without you and it’s unbearable right now. But I need to find the strength to do it.

What’s left of me, day after day, it’s fading. There is almost nothing left of me. You were just a stranger, my everything the next day.

When does He step in and make the pain stop? at what point, will He help me forget?

I need to close my eyes for awhile now, at least until the pain stops and I can see past these blurry eyes.

Yours Always,

Mark

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