My Dearest Xxxxxxxx,
At this very moment, as I sit here in the dark of the night, trying to word the exact emotions, I have realised that I truly can’t. There are days at a time, I feel nothing and it felt like it was going to be alright. Then, there are days like today. The days that I struggle to wake up, that I find difficulty getting through.
Every task becomes a challenge beyond my power, beyond my understanding. A conversation becomes an interrogation, a cup of coffee, acid. Every minute is excruciating without you. My arms are heavy and my heart is weak. It is these moments that I need you most, it is these moments that I can’t reach out.
It has not been long since I last heard from You, but those whispers linger.
My smiles, my laughter are all but a memory now. The people around me, the people who truly love and care, they hurt. I never meant to drag them into this abyss with me, but I have. I was never one to be inconsiderate or selfish, but I am now. The truth is, I struggle to think of life without you. I am truly afraid, I am petrified at the very thought.
Many will say that this will pass and I know it will. But I will never forget, I don’t want to forget, not this, not ever, not You.
I love you, more than I dare to say, more than I can comprehend, more than I can foolishly believe. But I can’t bear this any longer, I can’t handle another day of this, not one more. I pray tomorrow never comes, but it will, so I pray for grace, for patience, for peace.